i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
