I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up under a house in Key West
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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