I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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