If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
