Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
