Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She even gives head with a lisp.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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