First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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