I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
