And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
