Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i love accidental penises.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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