'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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