If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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