kristin has been a bad kristin
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
