Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
