You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
