Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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