woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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