oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
