yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
