I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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