the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
