she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
