ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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