I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Randomize
