i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
