Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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