i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
