Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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