I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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