He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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