I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
