Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
