Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
