i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
