she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
