I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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