I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
