i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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