Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
