ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
