hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
