This house was built for laser tag.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
