nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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