ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
