The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
ttyl tear gas
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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