so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
