so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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