that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
