Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
