I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
