Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
